If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.
Now, Mr. Bobble-and-Squeek, you may enlighten me.
Listen to this one then: You open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club. You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each; a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out. Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques; not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he is not paying in cheques!
- Winston: Charles,why have we got that cage?
- Charles: Uh,security.
- Winston: That's right, that's right - security. So what's the point in having it if we're not goin' fucking use it?
- Charles: Well I would've used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.
- Winston: Yes but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door did you?
- Willie: Chill Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me. What's the problem?
- Winston: The problem Willie is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep the fucking cage locked! What is that?
- Willie: That's Gloria.
- Winston: Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?
- Willie: Fertilizer.
- Winston: You went out six hours to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing Willie.
- Willie: We need fertilizer Winston.
- Winston: Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer could be a bit more subtle.
- Willie: What do you mean?
- Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturist! That's what I mean Willie.
It's been emotional.
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