I've lost it again. I've lost it all and worse.
I'm not an upset person anymore, I'm a shell of a person.

I'm just a flesh that releases air into a room. Nothing else.
I can't stand to take part in reality because I've lost my grip on it.
I've never felt so detached in my life. When I had truble with the outside world I could find comfort inside. But now when everything is just falling apart I don't have anything else to turn to. This is what left from me. A ghost.

Drugs and staring at crap on the TV all day long is very helpful.

This is the first time I feel like I really need help and there is no one. No one was able to go one step away from himself to see me. See me the way I try to see others for as long as I can remember. Making connections with the shys and the angrys and the complicated ones just so they can feel for one second that the world isn't so terrible. But now I'm in the worst state that I have ever been through and I feel like I got no one

I feel like I'm unable to find a steady ground to stand on. I guess I will never stop believing in people and expecting them to go the extra mile. That is just how I'm built.