Everything is so much easier when I close my eyes

I can picture just about any scenario imaginable

Any fantasy I have, Any moment I wish to have

Sometimes I'll picture what it would be like if we hooked up

What would it be like and how it would happen

Usually it happens in a very unrealistic way

But most of the time I picture myself doing really normal and realistic stuff

I picture some of my unreasonable fears

I picture myself jogging in the evening like a normal person

But the moment I open my eyes I know it would take me a long time to make it real

Usually I just let the fear take over and live my life around it

But this few weeks of living alone made me sad and frustrated

I don't want to sabotage myself but I do, so many times.