If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number

Carpe diem - seize the check

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev

 No matter what anybody tells you, words & ideas can change the world. --From
Dead Poet's Society

  [Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress]
I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, Back up, I don't know how big this gets

[on Michael Jackson]
Honey, you gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord Of The Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitalsthrough his wallet