This loneliness has become my consciousness, I lay awake, but, baby I'm dreaming... I missed the fight, nothing makes sense to me. I can't see where this is going...

When you cut and run, all the thing are bleeding to one, I can't shake this feeling so long no that you've cut and run. You tell me what's left to believe, 'cause I can't bit this feeling...

 This is pretty much what's gonna happen soon between me and O. It's not like we had a fight or something. It's just not 'It'. It's not going. I should have know, could have guess. He's younger than me, like, even older guys are sometimes too childish, so a younger one? What was I thinking? I mean, I just gave it a try, but I'm a little mad at myself that I actually thought this could go serious. 

He's not for me.

He acts most of the time like a high-school boy- I hate that.

He sends me those 'air-kisses'- makes me sick!

He hugs me all the fucking time with his huge hands. Not in a good way. He's so gable. 

He's kitchie. I hate that. 

He feels WAY too comfortable in my house. Not OK. The first time he came to my house he fucking stripped me on the balcony in front of the whole neighborhood. Fucking shit! He's not afraid my brother would surprisingly come from the corner, he doesn't feel even the slightest shame to fuck me in my room in the middle of the evening while everybody's waiting for us. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX with him, 'cause I'm not protected yet! He doesn't respect me, I think. HE DOESN'T APPRECIATE WHAT HE HAS. And frankly, he has nothing, since I'm not his. I'm gonna cut.

He doesn't appreciate my commitment to my family, my mom, my brother. He can't see that. 

I can go on and dig forever about all the things I don't like about him. But who am I tryin' to bullshit?! 

The sex is bad.

And in this area- there is no compromising for me.

It is proportional with him, I have no complaints about the size. It's just- soft

Perhaps it's just what I'v been used to with Eli, but I really can't feel it. In addition to the fact it's a complicated job t get it inside. Like, why is that? That's a bummer ya know?

And, experience.. Uhh.. How bad. I mean, if it felt good inside than it would be forgivable, but I don't feel it at all!! It's awful. And he keeps it, uh, "natural" down there. Wow, Eli indeed was something I guess. 

And I know it's not specifically Eli, it's just- Older guys with experience.

Anyway, sex is bad. Unforgivable. 

And he doesn't look that good as I thought in the beginning. He's neck is full of acne pimples or something.. It's discusting. I'm mean.

Nevermind. This isn't for me. He's just tall. That's all. He doesn't even walk straight. 

ARRRGGG

I'm going out for a run. Trying a new training program. Wish me luck!