Okay, now it's official.
I am, no doubt, afraid of dick. and I feel pretty much like a bitch.
It's not like I don't want to, but it's too scary, right now.
I can't
I wish I could say it out loud without sounding like a sappy rape victim.
But, I can't. really. Now two things can happen.
Either it's all good and great, or, it's not.
I wish it's not, because then it would keep my mind from wondering too far.and then what?
Yeah, I regret, such a little thing.. but I feel like a bitch. doing what I did.
I wan't to apologize, what how would he take it? too dramatic.
It is dramatic. this whole.. no, such a little thing involves such painful and uneasy memories, and I can't do it.
He's not the one that's supposed to be touching me.
He's not dating me. He's been going after me for a YEAR now, WHY?
why.
for sex? he gets it from everywhere.
simply for company? but then... It's dangerous.
Definitely not to become my boyfriend. Oh, no. I don't need that.
What I need, is to either find strength, or get away altogether.
I hate sex. I hate it, so, so much.
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