Been such a LONG time since I could write to you!
So much had changed..waw...
Ok let's get to it! lol
Well first of all, as you can see, I added another name..
I realized I was never really comfortable with mine so I asked around a little,
and found out that when I was born, there was a big argument about my name.
Mom wanted to call me Ayala, dad wanted ****.. #### was my grandmother's idea, I think.
Anyway I thought about it a lot and then my phone and wallet got stolen, along with my ID, so I said what the heck why not make a good thing out of it..
So now I'm **** ####. Like Sarah Jean or something lol. Proper southern girl.
And for the next breaking news.......... I STARTED NURSING SCHOOL !
I never believed I'd say this but.. I'm a fresh student in a four-year program to become an academic-nurse.
amazing huh.
So.. I'm assigned to Shiba hospital, and actually living in it, at the dorms. 730nis per month (all included), with a roommate. Incredible.
Its a pretty small room, even smaller than in boarding school lol but we have everything we need, even wifi and air conditioning.
I filed for unemployment since I can't exactly work now, so I get like 4g a month for about 3-4 months which is great (for now lol).
So anyway school is pretty awesome, I got over 10 courses (which is a LOT) but most of them are SO interesting I don't care how hard they are.
Granny's already asking me about her pills lol, everybody's so proud it makes me tear up when I think about it.
I get to see my aunt and her family a lot now since they live in Givataim, about 3 bus stops away from me..
I babysit little (2y/o) Guy about once a week which is a lot of fun ^^ (pics added!!!)
And on a less optimistic note..
Been a really long time since I had any kind of fulfilling relationship and I think it's starting to take it's tole on me.
I had a thing with some 20y/o but eventually he got sick of me, probably because I needed more than he could give.
The problem is, as time passes it gets harder and harder for me to let anyone into my life again.
Just thinking it could end up like my last relationship.. Thinking I might someday be cheated on again, treated like..
I cant even get into bdsm anymore. It takes more trust than I'm capable of giving right now, and most guys just expect a girl to be trusting and giving without making any kind of effort.
There was a moment last month that was, I think, some kind of breaking point for me.
Before I started school there was some guy hitting on me on Facebook.
I saw he was friends with a girl I know, so I said what the heck what's the worst that could happen..
On my first week at Shiba I went out with him.
I didn't really mind he wasn't very good looking, I didn't even mind the heavy Russian accent or the cheap beer.
What I did mind, and knowing me you probably guessed already, is dude wasn't all that smart. That's an understatement.
Now THAT is a serious turn off for me- having to talk to someone like they're 4y/o because they can't even understand when I'm NOT being sophisticated.
He drove me back to the dorms and walked me to the building door, where I told him he can't come inside because it's past 11pm (rules are rules...).
I was gonna just politely hug him goodbye, but the guy grabs me and plants a kiss on my mouth, tongue and all, not even minding that I'm pulling back.
I kept moving my face away and trying to get out of his grip and the guy says with a stupid ass smile "no I'm not letting you go".
I ran to the elevator and kept myself from crying so that Yulia (my roommate) won't see.
I hate it when people see me cry.
It's been a month now and I still find myself twisting my face to the thought of what happened that night.
Guys don't hit on me anymore.
I don't know, maybe I just started to give off that vibe, but I'm really trying not to..
Maybe it's a natural thing. Who knows.
I've been thinking a lot about the past lately.. You, Ran, other failed relationships..
Maybe It's the loneliness talking, but it seems I no matter what I do I can't ever get it right.
Heck I'd stick to meaningless sex, but I hardly enjoy it anymore when there's no intimacy.
As you must know, real intimacy is rare.
Thank God I have such an incredible family.
I've been so lonely, and the presence of these amazing people in my life somehow makes me feel so much better..
And the people here in the region, all the people I see when I work at the supermarket-deli, they always ask how I am, how's school,
and I always answer with a big smile so they would smile back (always loved making people smile..)..
Warms me up inside, u know?
Well,
felling asleep here already so.. Have a wonderful week!
Can't wait to hear back from you :)
Jo.
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Just Roni